Breastfeeding: Fun Times!

For a few weeks, I had taken to calling Johan “Jaws” and was really not enjoying the sensation of having a little person chew on my boob for 6 hours a day. But, just as people told me, 5 weeks in (and with a lot of help from my doula and lactation consultant, Gisele), it has gotten much better.

However, Johan sometimes leaves me shaking my head at his behaviour while breastfeeding. Here are his top 5 weird moves:

#5: Look Mum, I’m a cat! Every now and then, Johan decides he will lick the milk out of my boob. This is usually in the middle of the night, when I want to get down to business so we can both go back to sleep. But no, little mister decides to flick his tongue back and forth over my nipple, which inevitably starts the milk flowing – convincing him that he’s on to an innovative new breastfeeding technique – but of course, very little of it ends up in his mouth. After a minute or so of this, Johan gets disappointed that he’s still hungry and moves on to the next move…

#4 Now I’m a snapping turtle! When in turtle mode, Johan opens and closes his mouth rapidly, turning his head in all directions and lunging when he thinks he may have figured out where the nipple is. He gets the boob in the eye, in the cheek, in the nose… everywhere except in his mouth. I am awed by his ferocity and his neck strength. Sometimes his lunges are bang on.. and as he clamps himself onto my boob, he lets out little grunts of satisfaction. It’s fascinating and frightening at the same time.

#3. The muffled wail. When Johan is wailing because he’s hungry, impatient and can’t believe the boob hasn’t magically popped into his mouth, I always stick my boob in to remind him not to give up. After all, his mouth is wide open when he’s screaming, so I should be able to get him latched on, right? Well, the problem is, his tongue is up at the roof of his mouth when he wails, so he can’t actually suck or swallow. So the result is: Mummy stuffs boob in wailing baby’s mouth, trying desperately to give him what he wants… but alas, the only result is a muffled wail coming from around the boob. It’s a sad sound!

#2. The yank and wail. Johan’s newest move, and the most mystifying one to me by far, is the shrieking and whimpering he has started to do during the feedings. My best guess is that the milk isn’t coming down fast enough for him. In an attempt to make it all better, my little angel clamps down and pulls his head back while he wails, yanking on my nipple. The first time he did this, I was convinced I’d eaten something spicy and that it had affected the taste of the milk. I was horrified and felt like I must have poisoned him. But if I take him off the boob, he immediately wants to be put back on… whereupon he begins the whole yank and wail once again. Mummy really enjoys these sessions!

#1. I thought it was a nipple! Sometimes Sven will comfort Johan when he’s desperate for a feed and I am getting set up with my pillows and a glass of water, etc. If Sven has Johan in front of him, and Johan is in snapping turtle mode, the little guy will actually latch on to Sven’s nose. Yum! Sven and I of course think this is hilarious. Johan, unfortunately, doesn’t see the humour in this.